Rubbish!!

Last year I loved Makena's school.   But, I've grown a bit cold this year.  There are a lot of reasons for this; most of which I will keep to myself as I ponder them endlessly.  (It sucks to be nonconfrontational sometimes.)  One reason is self-induced (volunteering to be class rep) so I can't count that one--at least not in this post.  I'll do a self loathing post later.  But one reason is just a quagmire of disappointment, for lack of a better description.

Those who know me know I live in a world of oblivion.  For example, our realtor commented a few months ago that some/one/all of the taps in our house were the opposite of what they should be.  Turn on cold, you get hot...   No way.  I asked Mark; he confirmed.  We lived there for 3 1/2 years and I didn't know this?  There's little doubt in my mind that I repeatedly turned on the wrong tap, realized my error then turned on the correct one, never giving it a second thought.  So, when I noticed the school yard had a lot of litter--that meant it had a LOTof litter.   Everyday at drop off and pick up I would step over it, just as all the other moms, dads and kids did.  And everyday I would have this inner monologue.

"Wow, I can't believe all of this garbage!"
"I should at least pick up what I'm stepping on/over."
"Yes, but where would you put it?"
"Surely, they'll clean it up soon."

On top of the guilt I had for not doing anything about, I was starting to get disgusted that the kids were playing amongst all the trash, THEN I really started to stew about what a poor example this was for the kids (the fact that they were allowed to leave the grounds looking like that AND that all the moms, dads and teachers were clearly okay with it too!)

Enough is enough I said!  I wanted to do something about it without being confrontational.  I decided I'd recruit Makena's class to help me clean up after school that day.   I mean, movies are made about moments like this.. okay, maybe that's only in my head.  So, I sent out an email:

"Hi everyone,  As I walked through the playground this morning, dodging litter, I thought why not just pick it up!  I'm going to recruit Makena to help me today after pick up.  Anyone want to join us; I'll bring extra trash bag?"

All day I imagined the little preppies working together cleaning up the rubbish.  All the moms and dads would be so proud; the principal would thank them at assembly.  It was a beautiful thought.

Reality was a little different.  Makena and I clamoring around by ourselves in the sweltering heat (temperature was 20 degrees higher than the day before).  That was until Makena spat the dummy and left me on my own to pick up the garbage AND deflect her incessent whining.   "Why do I have to do it?"  "Well, there's a very good answer for that, but I'm too hot and pissed to tell you now."  I was determined though--I got my head back in the game, continually reaffirming that I was doing the right thing.

And then.. and then she turned up.  "Hi Kelly. I got your email.  This is not your responsibility.  You need to stop.  No one is going to thank you.  You look like an.. " she finally paused and thought better of finishing that sentence.  I stuttered and stumbled as I spat out my retorts--I don't need a thank you.. I don't care what I look like (except the whale tail from my pants sticking to my legs when I bend over.. that kind of bothers me).. I'm doing this for my daughter--I want to set a better example.. "No, you need to stop.. you need to complain to the principal."   The irony is that that would have been much less confrontational than the passive approach I took.  I wouldn't have gotten nearly as stinky and sweaty either.

She finally left.  I was even more determined to get the yard spotless.. for about a nano second.  I waffled back and forth between quitting and seeing it through.  One minute I was telling Makena we were leaving only to find myself walking in the opposite direction picking up more crap.  (The kids were literally using the garbage to make structures..)  We were finally done in about an hour.  It wasn't 100% but certainly good enough.  I think we collected about 1 1/2 bags of garbage. 

The next morning some of the parents complimented us on how much better it looked.  Many explained that they couldn't stay to help because they had other commitments (I did only give them a few hours notice afterall).   Then at pick up, sadly there was more garbage.  Not nearly what we cleaned up the day before, but definitely an indication that in a few weeks time our efforts will have proven to be futile.  Well, except for the fact that Makena will now be able to say, "One day, my damn mom made me clean up everyone elses' garbage while they got to play on the monkey bars!!!" 

Sorry Mak-Naks--hopefully this will make sense one day!